I Have a Secret

secretI have a secret, but it ain’t much of one. In fact, if you’ve read any one of my two books currently available, it’s highly likely that you are already privy to this secret of mine.

But, to spare you the dangers of experiencing this for yourself, I’ll let you in on it now.

I like creepy shit.

I mean, I really like creepy shit.

The eerier, the better.

The darker, bleaker, nastier – the more appealing, alluring and beautiful I find it.

There’s a certain inability to resist weird shit that I can’t battle, no matter how much I think I may like normal stuff. No amount of blue jeans and manicures can disguise the fact that haunts are somehow, strangely, my shit.

Take, for instance, this scene I had far too much fun turning from a heartfelt lovemaking session into a twisted, hell-drenched nightmare:

The demon’s eyes flashed in the darkness surrounding him—it bled from his cuticles and pores, seeping out like sentient shadows. It drenched everything. Those eyes were sparsely light azore and cutting as they rolled into the back of his head. Silver-white hair fell away from his shoulders.

His lips stretched in a humorless grin to reveal endless rows of razors for teeth—the mouth of a starved shark. An animal basking in blackness, its skin paper-white. His arms stretched out beside him, his head tilted back, and there wasn’t a sound around for miles.

Until the angel rose from the ground like a phoenix from flame. He was dark as night, with blood-red eyes and glass for hair, smiling, diamonds embedded in his teeth.

His black hands slithered up the demon’s form until it wrapped around his throat. They watched each other, both hungry, sad, eager and lost.

Then they kissed, crystal cutting quartz, and sank into each other like oil and milk—coal and sugar—blood and water—sightless and soundless and sinking, steadily sinking, into concrete.

Then there are these cool, creepy photographs that I stumbled upon and fell instantly in love with:


And if you take a look at my Readability list, you’ll see titles like:


And you can pretty much scroll to any given pin on my “visuals” board and find random pockets of awesome like this:

spontaneous awesome

Every once in a while, I’ll forget. I’ll be thinking on and on about morbid shit and suddenly come back to reality, remembering how demented my dreams are isn’t a usual thing for most people. I’m okay with being weird – and into weird shit – but I wanna know about you.

How about it? Do you like the dark stuff or prefer to keep it light? And if either, why?

S. R. Carrillo


20 comments on “I Have a Secret

  1. Oh I definitely like a bit of the ol’ dark and twisted myself :)

    I don’t even know why. I suppose it’s just the escapism of it. Sometimes all you want is the furthest thing from real life you can find.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rachel says:

    Nope. Not for me. Not one bit. Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. All over that stuff. Been into horror since my Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark days. Most of the stuff I watch as background noise is either supernatural horror movies or youtube commentators screaming their way through horror games. (It’s funny!) If there aren’t explosions, monsters or magic-use in my media, I’m not interested. Fluff and reality just bore me.


    • Ha! Funny you mention it – I just bought the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark omnibus yesterday. I saw it and gasped and hugged it close and said, “I WILL HAVE YOU,” and the world’s heart cracked the smaller, blackest smile at our reunion. :]


      • I’ve heard there’s going to be a movie, but if they don’t somehow incorporate the horrifyingly fibrous, rotting aesthetic of the original illustrations, it just won’t be the same.


        • Oh, I can’t imagine a movie version would be very good, especially with the quality of horror movies these days. Everything is jump scare this, jump scare that, BLOOD RAIN. Everything in moderation!


          • Very true, though there are some interesting and stylistic non-schlock-horror movies coming out these days, generally under the radar. Just saw Crimson Peak the other day, which didn’t even bother to try to jumpscare — because it wasn’t about that. (Also watched What We Do In the Shadows last night, which…lol.)


            • Ooohh I’ve been very interested in Crimson Peak. As a horror, I’m not sold on it – which is fine by me because I’ve been reassured multiple times that it is more of a Gothic romance and has been marketed all wrong – but I am very much looking forward to it.

              Don’t think I’ve heard of What We Do in the Shadows – is that lol good or bad?

              I just watched an interesting one called The Awakening, which you may have seen already, but if you haven’t, it was horror-esque in a “haunted house” sense but turned out to be so much more. I loved it, even the creepy bits were done well, I thought.

              Then there’s movies like The Lazarus Effect, which I also recently watched, that had so much potential and just squandered it on the usual modern “scary” antics. Hmph.


              • I’ve seen The Awakening, yes — a couple times, because it’s one of those I keep forgetting I’ve seen. But it’s good! Letterboxd tells me that I gave it four stars. Haven’t seen The Lazarus Effect yet because it looked like trash, which is normally in my wheelhouse but I just haven’t felt like it.

                Crimson Peak is very much a Gothic romance — like I said, it doesn’t even try to trick you into jumping, it puts its spooks out there front and center, and in the end isn’t even about them but about these desolated people. And the set design is frickin’ fabulous.

                What We Do In the Shadows is a horror-documentary-satire about ancient vampire flatmates in New Zealand. Hunt down a trailer and see — it’s bloody fun humor, really. Also for NZ humor-horror, Housebound is great. I’d also recommend some of the V/H/S and ABCs of Horror anthology shorts; while there are always some weak entries, so far the crap-to-diamonds ratio hasn’t been too bad.

                Also, try The Shrine. One of my favorites.


                • Have seen V/H/S but not ABCs of Horror – will check out and The Shrine. Thanks!


                  • Okay, The Lazarus Effect was far better than I thought it would be — I think I’ve been too conditioned by the dregs of Netflix that I expect everything in that vein to be terrible. I hadn’t even looked at the cast list. Thanks for mentioning it, I might not have tried it otherwise!


                    • Saw this video and immediately thought of this conversation – I entirely agree with it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz6KOsePEHs


                    • I liked Oculus well enough, but I was really hoping it would be an actual mirror-horror in the vein of The Broken (2008), which just hammered some of my trigger-points. So alas, I was let down by my own mind. And while I agree with this guy on jump-scares, I rather enjoy found footage movies — I guess I’m not sensitive to shaky-cam. it’s the pseudo first-person perspective that gets me, maybe; I don’t often sympathize with horror characters, so what happens to them, even in a good horror movie, is either wince-inducing or cerebral, not so much scary. Found footage lets me insert myself more closely into the narrative — like playing a first-person video game. What happens to the character is barely a step away from happening to you.

                      Not to say that most found footage movies are any good. They just engage me a bit more in the experience.


                    • Hm. It’s interesting you feel that way because I’m the complete opposite. I feel found footage is too removed for my sake. I’m always aware of just how unrealistic it is for someone to have caught these terrifying encounters on film in such detail and to such an extent, as well as the one filming rarely is in any danger until the end, which is only a concept remembered because it is “found” footage. I dunno. I’m not picky; I just dislike jump scares because they’re cheap and overused and pointless. I’m fairly cynical toward most horrors, so when something actually manages to freak me out, I’m pleased. That’s why I liked Oculus so much and was so disappointed with The Lazarus Effect. So much potential wasted – can’t let go of that one haha.


                    • Hehe, I’ve been told that I have terrible taste in -everything- because I tend to like things that teach me something about storytelling, even if it’s what not to do. So I liked The Lazarus Effect because it took an odd angle at the returned-from-the-dead conceit (btw, it just now reminded me of Vicious by V.E. Schwab, which is a dark superhero novel and just great imo). It didn’t do so to great satisfaction, but its flaws weren’t from a lack of creativity…just a lack of skill, I think.

                      And as for found footage as an artificial construct, that’s never bothered me. I don’t even think about it, really. It’s just an excuse to set up a story, like any other plot-device that is grossly transparent once you look at it. The fact that every found-footage horror can be critiqued on that basis just makes it a foible of the subgenre — only really noticed (to me at least) when it’s done -well-.

                      But everyone wants different things from their entertainment. At least we all seem to agree that Annabelle was crap.


  4. Ha, ha! I love it! Akin spirit. ;)


  5. […] I write really dark, weird stuff, though, and people who know me see that and think, “Really? This is the stuff that’s in your head?” […]


Got somethin' to say? Comment!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s